Share a mud pie with someone you love.

How do you know you're on the right track in life?

You don't! Not really.

What feels good and right today, may not in a few years. What felt good and right twenty years ago is obsolete.  Every time my life took a new direction, I would ask myself, "Is this the right move?  Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?"

Is what you are "supposed" to be doing what destiny has laid out for you?

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” 
― William Shakespeare

I stopped asking those questions several years ago when I decided that life is too safe, structured, planned. I didn't want to plan anymore. I wanted to jump into every aspect of life with both feet, splashing in the mud, knowing that I have control over how I will react and the choices that I will make.

How do I know I'm on the right track in life? Because it feels good, right, and it allows me to splash in the mud without fear of staining my clothes or ruining my hair.  Be carefree.  Splash in the mud.  Dance in the rain. Stand in the quiet stillness of the snow as it drifts down and places tiny, wet kisses all over.  This, of course, is best accomplished without a coat on.

I stood in the snow twice this weekend.  The quiet stillness wrapped me in a blanket of wonder and peace.  I can forget all my worries standing in the snow. There are times that I have to force myself to take these moments. I allow my busy life to have too much control over me and the decisions I make. This weekend, when I noticed it was snowing, I thought, I can stand in the snow later. I knew, deep down, that if I didn't take the opportunity to enjoy the snow, it would be gone.  I stopped what I was doing and stepped out into the front yard.  I closed my eyes and enjoyed all those tiny snowflake kisses bringing love from the heavens.


Tranquil solitude once a day is a profound way to gift yourself with absolute bliss. Be child-like when seeking out your moments of solitude.  Children know exactly how to disconnect from the world and bask in the simple joys of playing in the mud and dancing in the rain.




My moment of quiet peace today? I haven't taken it yet. It is what I will do once this blog is finished. I will go to my art studio and stare at my works in progress, simply enjoying being present in my creative space without giving a thought to the next brush stroke or color choice.

It won't be easy, because my artistic mind is constantly seeing the limitless possibilities of a blank canvas. How does one paint snowflake kisses?  When in solitude, my mind will remain blank and that is when all the answers to my questions become extraordinarily clear.  It is in times of solitude that my greatest ideas come to fruition, and it is in times of quiet reverie that my mind is able to let go and float in the peaceful waters of existence.

Be bold enough and brave enough to let go.
Make a mud pie and share it with someone you love.

This is My Life... Welcome.

This was no Quixotic endeavor; although, there are those who would disagree with me.  It may have seemed a bit foolish, impractical, rash, and possibly characterized by lofty romantic ideas.  I like to call it spontaneous, creative, fearless, and living out loud and boldly.

2012 is close to an end.  Only 44 days left of this year of learning to be Bold.  This has been one of the Most impressionable years of my life.  It was a year of struggle, learning, discovery, and spontaneity.

A great friend of mine once told me, in the midst of great depression and self loathing, to be Bold; to be courageous and face my doubts and fears with a bold and confident air.  How had my mind and soul become so knotted, gasping for air, straining against the confines of their imprisonment?  The dark, oppressive air of a lifeless and lost soul constricted my thoughts, my desires, my dreams, and my ability to discern basic emotions.  The labyrinth of my soul led straight to the center of a desolate and melancholy void.  

A beautifully adorned mask with glittering jewels and polished gold concealed my tormented soul, but I neglected to see the fragile fissures and their elaborate web in the substructure.  I wore my mask daily in an attempt to conceal the albatross that closed about my throat tighter and tighter still, strangling me till the light in my eyes had almost been snuffed out.  The only thing that kept that glimmer of hope was my family and friends.  They were my anchors.

This was NOT the life I wanted to live.  This was NOT the path I wanted to continue on.  This was NOT my destiny and the more I fought to break free, the more the chains tightened.    

Be Bold.  Two simple words.  Once spoken that night while we sat under the stars, talking about our lives and the changes we needed to make, it suddenly hit me.  Be Bold.  I had some work to do.  I pondered her words for a month or so; letting them filter through my brain, seep into my soul, and trickle into my heart.  I practiced being bold; small things here and there.  

I realized all too soon, that to be Bold, I had to face my fears, make life-altering changes, and find a new path.  No, that's not right.  I didn't need a new path; I just needed to take the path I was on and make some changes, reroute.  I no longer wanted to be on a single path.  I didn't want to take the road less traveled.  I wanted to take multiple roads less traveled.  I wanted to create my own roads and discover what lay ahead.  I was now on a journey to create my own road map.  It was time to be BOLD!  

"Babe, do you want to move to Colorado?"  With that simple question, the chains began falling from my soul.  I was starting to breathe again; not shallow, painful breaths, but deep, cleansing breaths.  The gold mask fell heavily from my fingers and landed in the dust as I walked boldly toward my new life.  I was not running away, but embracing a dream.  It was time to live my life boldly. 

I have been living boldly for 4 months. 

My road map continues to grow.  It's not about where you live either, but that you live your life boldly.  I am living my life.  I want to see as much as I can of this beautiful country that God created.  I want to discover, explore, and Live.  I don't want to have any regrets or wish that I had done more; seen more.  I am busy living life boldly and enjoying every second.    

This is my life... Welcome.

Copyright © 2012 Life's Casual Observer blog, Lauren Espinoza

"Leap... there will be a net"

It's Way more than just dismantling the chicken coop.  It's SO much more than just another chapter of my life.  When I stop long enough to think about the impact of that one little, seemingly innocent, question, "Babe, do you want to move to Colorado?", I realize that this is more like a Cosmic shifting of planets, an El Nino of Epic proportions, A "Holy Crap, are we Really doing this?"

Someone told me recently, "Leap... there will be a net."  Yes, that may be true, but she didn't tell me that between that Leap of Faith and the net on the other side, was one Hell of a bumpy ride!  Now, I have to say that I have no one to blame but myself and I'm not complaining either.  I'm so excited about this Leap of Faith and so very ready for new adventure in our lives. It didn't even Hit me until I walked into the Chicken Coop the other day and stood looking at the emptiness, taking in the silence, watching tiny particles of dust sift through rays of sunlight.  This was Epic!

Ok, I'm the first to admit that being a "tad bit" spontaneous and a "little" impulsive can make for a BIG change.  I like change, I welcome change, I embrace it with enthusiasm and excitement.  I'm typically a very shy person who plays it safe and follows the rules, but once in a while I like to shake things up; see what fun chemical reaction I'll get if I mix a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of these.  And here I have an experiment that has evolved into more than this adventurer was expecting.  

First, I really didn't mean to shock people.  I have that effect at times, I know, but it seemed like such a simple little thing:  We're moving to Colorado.  I had to grab a helmet and run for cover.  Ok, so it wasn't that bad.  Most of our friends and family were DEFINITELY Shocked, but most responded with support and love.  I was a bit baffled by those who were angry at us.  But, upon reflection can see where they were coming from.  

As I stood in the chicken coop the other day, it suddenly dawned on me that this was more than "just" moving.  I definitely was NOT prepared for the tears that started flowing.  This building was more than just a chicken coop.  It was a building built with love, sweat, and dreams.  We had poured our hearts into this place.  We had made so many plans and had so many dreams of what our lives would be living here the rest of our lives.  Being the strong person that I am, the tears were quickly squelched.  There was no time for tears.  There's just too much to do and plan and organize and decide and ..... I'll just cry later.  And later I shall!

Not only was I going on faith, without a job, but I was also changing, forever, the lives of my husband and children.  I'm not worried about Fredo.  He's tough and is even more excited about this new adventure than I am.  He's like a little boy on Christmas morning who got everything on his Christmas list.  His eyes sparkle and his face lights up when we talk about the move.  

 I'm not so worried about Shenandoah either.  She's a tough little cookie.  We asked her about moving to Colorado and her response was, "Yay!  Snow!!!"  She'll be fine wherever she goes.  She'll make new friends and live a fun, new adventure.  She is, after all, my adventurous one.  

Merlin will be fine too.  He gets more and more excited each day about our move to Colorado.  He's tough and resilient.  He will make new friends and have so many new experiences.  His PRIDE will shine brightly and he will blossom!

Here's where it gets a little tough!  My Meghan!  Instead of a gentle move into adulthood and independence, I feel that I'm kicking her out the door with her bags packed.  Oh wait, I forgot her toothbrush and toothpaste!  She doesn't see it that way, of course.  To her this is also a new adventure.  She's staying in Bryan and will be an independent adult!  THIS is what I was NOT prepared for!!!

She's on the hunt for a place to call her own.  She's going to be approximately 1044 miles, 18 hours and 44 minutes away from ME!!!!!  Right now, she's reading this and rolling her eyes.  I can't blame her... It is pretty sappy!  

But, but, but.... I wasn't ready for THIS.  I was ready for her living in a small place 7 to 15 miles away.  A hop, skip, and jump away.  What happens if she stubs her toe?  What happens when she gets a flat tire?  What happens when she needs a shoulder to cry on? 

I used to say, when they were toddlers, that I would jump for joy the day they turned 18.  I'd open the door and say, "There you go, the world is waiting."

Now I want to scream, "Wait, don't go, the world is too big!"  Ok, I don't really want to scream that.

The Counselor in me says, "Meghan, welcome to your new life.  Embrace it.  Experience it.  Enjoy every second.  Take it slow and easy.  There's no rush.  Have fun.  Be open to new experiences.  Be Bold.  Be Honest.  Live each day to its fullest.

The Mom in me is struggling to accept that it's time for her to roll out a new and fresh canvas, whip out her colorful Prisma pencils, and create one Hell of a Great new Adventure for herself.  

Phew.  I feel better now.  I just needed to get it all out.  Thanks for listening. 

Just be warned... You do NOT want to be around the day our U Haul pulls out of the driveway headed North.  The floodgates are going to open and Maintenance won't be able to shut them off!

Faith.  Yep, that's what I was going on.  Monday I said, "Let's move to Colorado."  Wednesday I resigned from my job.  Thursday I began the hunt for a new one.  By Faith, I knew that I would find something.  I would shovel snow from driveways if it meant that we were finally going to Colorado and starting a new life.  I took a Huge Leap and there WAS a net!  It was Awesome.  I had two job offers in 4 days.  

We have a few more "small" things to figure out, like where we're going to land when we get there and finding a job for Fredo.  House hunting is NOT fun, but we'll find something.  We'll have plenty of cardboard boxes once we unpack, and Fredo is a super creative builder.  We could have an amazing cardboard home in no time at all.  ;o)

It's time; Time to file all those fears and worries away and pull out the Master plan.   It's Time to leap and leap again... Like Frogger getting across the busy road.  We are master's of this game.  It is our game; of our own design.  "We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams..."  ~ Arthur O'Shaughnessy ~

It's time to Dream and Dream Big!  Colorado, Here we come!